The thoughts that kept me up tonight

Having one of those night where I knew I wouldn't sleep until I'd gotten my thoughts on to paper (or the screen). Here they are, largely unedited.

I was lying in bed thinking about whether or not I measure up to the kind of wife and mother I planned to be when I was a teenager. I realise that I didn’t understand when I was 17, 18, what is truly important… or what adult, married, parenting life is like. I realise now that it’s not so important that your house is always immaculate and that you and the children can all be dressed and ready to go by 9 if need be. Your success as a wife and mother isn’t actually defined by whether dinner is ready to be served the moment your husband gets home from work. (If you are managing these things, what is your secret?) I’m realising that I need to redefine what wife and mother means to me.

Is it really so bad if some days, we stay at home in our pyjamas all day? Am I failing because I usually don’t get round to tidying the kitchen until it’s impossible to work in or someone is coming over (and sometimes not even then).  [Thanks for taking care of that wonderful husband!] Not that I don’t think the housekeeping bit is important, but there must be more to it than that. There is, and if I can’t manage both yet, I’d rather have a happy family than a perpetually clean and tidy house.

Also I don’t think it’s a matter of being the right person for the job when it comes to being a wife and mother. It’s really a matter of it being the right job to turn you in to the person you need to be. I wasn’t chosen for these experiences because I had the right qualifications. I was chosen to have these experiences to qualify for the greatest gifts. I’m not a mother blessed with children because I’m patient, wise and can suffer sleep deprivation without going slightly crazy. It is motherhood that is teaching me to be a little more patient and understanding, find wise solutions to tricky problems and stay calm when I’m almost burnt out.. I’m not saying I’m totally there yet, but I can pretty well guess that’s part of the point of this role and life in general.

I decided a while ago that I didn’t know what life was like until I was living it more for others (namely: Jonathan, Natalie and Hayley) than I was for myself.

And so, I hope to keep learning and coming closer to being the wife and mother that my wonderful husband and children truly deserve.  I’m grateful to know that I wasn’t sent here to be perfect, but to be moulded into something that will… one day far into eternity, be perfect. :D

So this is my role: to grow!

How do you define your role as a family member?