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Wednesday, 9 October 2013

My mummy truths

Like Rachel (who wrote this post, which you should totally read) I am an imperfect, 'normal' mum. I have long since realised that comparing myself to others and trying to be the 'perfect' mother only brings feelings of inadequacy and failure. I have accepted that what is most important in motherhood is the love that I have for my children, that I do my best, and that I keep on trying again and again and again.

So here are my own mum confessions: 

I get frustrated at delay tactics, refusals to do simple tasks, refusals to eat or even try a perfectly good meal, and insistence on doing the exact opposite of what they ought. Sometimes I feel that I spend all day saying, "You need to do x or you're going to bed", and I am annoyed at myself for not knowing how to encourage cooperation more constructively.

Some days our TV is on for too long. Some days that's because instead of turning the TV off after a reasonable period, it gets left on while I fall asleep on the couch or have a shower or cook dinner or whatever it might be.

Sometimes I reprimand one of my children only to realise that they didn't do what I thought they had, or that they had good intentions even if it didn't work out, or that it didn't really matter anyway. Sometimes I take a few minutes to respond to their crying just to make sure I respond calmly...

But on the other hand - I took the time to make sure I would respond calmly. Big drop of awesome right there. (You should read that post too.)

Some days I am really 'with' my kids, and we have a lot of fun. The TV stays off and we read or play outside or bake or go to playgroup. Some days I am really aware of what my kids are trying to  tell me with behaviour that would usually bother me, and we fix things. Sometimes I know exactly what I can do or say that will help my kids understand why we need to do things like, getting dressed, going to the toilet before you have an accident, or not snatching that toy away from your sister. Some days we don't have those issues at all.

I guess my point is that we all need to do our best to be great parents for our kids.
Celebrate the things you do well.
Congratulate yourself when you are patient and are able to teach your children.
Be grateful when your kids have those cooperative days and you don't have to stress.

Do our best, but be kind to yourself when you feel you have fallen short.
Believe that every day is a new day, and this one doesn't have to be like the day before.
The same can be said about every moment.
Know that what matters most is to love your children immensely, and unconditionally.

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