Reverb Day 3 - What Do You Really Wish For?

Today's reverb question I found hard to answer...


Today's #reverb12 prompt and image come from... Cam aka Curlypops. Many of you may know Cam as blog button designer extraordinaire. What you may not know is that she is also making the most of a life lived on hold:
Living life on a transplant waiting list gives you lots of reasons to reflect on what you've achieved in your life, and what you wish for the future.Imagine a scenario where you only had one year left to live. What is one thing that you really wish to do that you just haven't had the chance to accomplish yet?
I would like to add: what steps could you take (however small) to ensure that you accomplish this thing in 2013?

The reason I find this question hard to answer is that I couldn't identify any dreams I'm longing to fulfil that I'm not already in the process of accomplishing at least... I have a beautiful little family. I'm working on other study and interest goals. Those are things that I am excited to do, and do view as important (although not the be-all-and-end-all), but they are there and the steps are being taken. Honestly, there are things (like traveling) that I would like to do... but at the moment nothing that I would be terribly disappointed if I died without achieving...

Then I started thinking about one thing that I really am aspiring to for the year 2013 (and now!) which encompasses and influences all other achievements anyway - living life fully awake, intentionally, with gratitude, embracing joy. In case you're wondering, these are words one of my favourite bloggers often uses to describe the way she desires to live her life... and I think they are great words that simply describe and helped me really grasp a concept that I was already familiar with - life is supposed to be happy, and it can be, but it's up to you to grab it!

So maybe that's it, the thing I want to accomplish: embrace joy. I know that things won't always be simple and that life has stress - even now I can see things on the horizon that although I know will be a great blessing will have their challenges too - but if you make a conscious effort you can see all of that with a perspective of what will be at the end as well as the joys that surround us even when our circumstances try us.

As I have alluded to, Jonathan and I have some exciting things that are also a little bit scary coming up... watch this space! (PS - no I'm not pregnant.)

Paint a picture

Sometimes I open up a new post on my blog, and I stare at the screen (or past the screen) trying to decide what to write. Always many thoughts flash through my head, and I attempt to put words to them but often they fail me. At times like these I am often reminded of a line from a movie, where an author mentoring a young student says, "Write first, think later." I try to follow that, and then I worry that no one wants to see the depths of my emotion, or worse, that I won't be able to convey them anyway. Then I decide to try it anyway.

Let me paint you a picture with words.

She has a dazzling smile. There is almost nothing as sweet as hearing her say, "mum". The way she holds me when she is frightened or hurt, as though I am the only one who can help her is endearing. The innocence in everything she does is so sweet. She loves to help so much, and I love that, but it can be frustrating. I try to let her help anyway. One day I'll miss the sweet way she says things like, "mooooooooore," "bing," (finished) "muhmoon," (moon) and, the way she tells me Hayley wants "moo" when she means milk... even though that kind of makes me feel like a cow!  :P 

Mostly it freaks me out thinking ahead to things like Natalie starting school, going on dates, etc... but occasionally I think, "I can't wait til Natalie can do x." I have to remind myself that one day she'll be all grown up and (no doubt I will love her for who she is then too, but) I'll be looking back remembering how much I loved her just the way she is now... even despite all the hard bits.

There are things that I hope can always stay the same... like the way she trusts mum and dad will always be there for her, love her unconditionally, and protect her. Like the way she loves and adores her sister. The way she problem solves and can figure things out if you don't jump in to soon. The way she is quick to smile. The way her eyes sparkle when she's happy. The way she is such good friends with her daddy. The way everyone sees what a beautiful girl she is... (I may need to revise that last bit when she's about 16.)

My life changed the day you were born, it will never be the same again, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

The things I didn't quite know

Ok, so.... there are some things which perhaps I knew already, but I wish hadn't taken so long to fully comprehend... or will I look back over the years and realise that now, as I write this, I still didn't quite get it?


Like all the times I've looked at Jonathan and been stunned with the thought that I'm sure I didn't even know what love was when I married him, or any day since - until that very moment... (obviously I loved him but it's like I didn't quite get it yet.)


Or when I've had the same feeling looking at my daughters... along with a deeper realisation of everything that it means to be a mother. Is it really possible that I could worry that much about these two tiny people who depend so much on me? Or that parenthood would be that hard but on the other hand worth it all? Or that I would, undoubtedly, give them my all without question?


Did I really understand before just how important human relationships are and that anything - really ANYTHING - can wait (at least for a little while) when a person needs you - most especially if those people are children who are counting on you to teach them their worth.


All of these are things that I sort of knew... in a way - and they're only a few examples picked out of many. They are the kind of things that people have said to me in the past and in some cases I would reply, "Yeah I know, BUT   _______" (fill in the blank)... they now have deeper root in my heart and hopefully for power than before!