The thoughts that kept me up tonight

Having one of those night where I knew I wouldn't sleep until I'd gotten my thoughts on to paper (or the screen). Here they are, largely unedited.

I was lying in bed thinking about whether or not I measure up to the kind of wife and mother I planned to be when I was a teenager. I realise that I didn’t understand when I was 17, 18, what is truly important… or what adult, married, parenting life is like. I realise now that it’s not so important that your house is always immaculate and that you and the children can all be dressed and ready to go by 9 if need be. Your success as a wife and mother isn’t actually defined by whether dinner is ready to be served the moment your husband gets home from work. (If you are managing these things, what is your secret?) I’m realising that I need to redefine what wife and mother means to me.

Is it really so bad if some days, we stay at home in our pyjamas all day? Am I failing because I usually don’t get round to tidying the kitchen until it’s impossible to work in or someone is coming over (and sometimes not even then).  [Thanks for taking care of that wonderful husband!] Not that I don’t think the housekeeping bit is important, but there must be more to it than that. There is, and if I can’t manage both yet, I’d rather have a happy family than a perpetually clean and tidy house.

Also I don’t think it’s a matter of being the right person for the job when it comes to being a wife and mother. It’s really a matter of it being the right job to turn you in to the person you need to be. I wasn’t chosen for these experiences because I had the right qualifications. I was chosen to have these experiences to qualify for the greatest gifts. I’m not a mother blessed with children because I’m patient, wise and can suffer sleep deprivation without going slightly crazy. It is motherhood that is teaching me to be a little more patient and understanding, find wise solutions to tricky problems and stay calm when I’m almost burnt out.. I’m not saying I’m totally there yet, but I can pretty well guess that’s part of the point of this role and life in general.

I decided a while ago that I didn’t know what life was like until I was living it more for others (namely: Jonathan, Natalie and Hayley) than I was for myself.

And so, I hope to keep learning and coming closer to being the wife and mother that my wonderful husband and children truly deserve.  I’m grateful to know that I wasn’t sent here to be perfect, but to be moulded into something that will… one day far into eternity, be perfect. :D

So this is my role: to grow!

How do you define your role as a family member?

Something, but not everything

No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.
Nice little mantra :)


I have recently decided that in the past I have spent way too much time worrying about the fact that I couldn't be everything for everyone. I think most people probably have this tendency to feel poorly about ourselves when we don't meet another persons expectations or the unrealistic expectations that we set for ourselves.


Let's face it: there are only 24 hours in a day. There's only so much you can do in that time. There's only so much you can do and still be a sane person. Or is that just me? You can try to do everything that everyone would like you to do if you want, but I find that, by and by, it drives me nuts!


Newsflash: People are actually pretty good when you truthfully say, "Sorry, I'd love to help, but I just don't have the time/resources/energy right now." I have also come to realise that if they do mind or continue to demand, there's probably an imbalance in that relationship. 


Here are a few things you should do:


Say yes - when you are able and especially where your help will really benefit someone else. The greatest 
fulfilment I have experienced in life has not been in doing things for myself. (Not saying that you never should by the way.) The greatest fulfilment I have experienced has been in doing something for someone else. Whether that be my husband, children, other family or friends. It makes me happy to see a smile... especially on the face of someone I care for, and more especially when I put that smile there.


Say no - when you can't. Whether that be due to lack of time, lack of resources, or just because you don't have the headspace to do what someone is asking of you. Try not to incriminate yourself for it, but remember that by not burning yourself out you're going to be more useful later.


Prioritise - identify those things/people in your life that are of most worth to you and that deserve your greatest attention. If those people are happy and those things taken care of first, the rest will fall in around that or fall away if they really didn't matter in the first place. Remember as David O. McKay said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home." 


Take a break - because you deserve it. Picture yourself as a bucket full of water. As you go about doing things for others you tip a little of that water out for them. Fill yourself up before you run empty. Enough said.


So, to summarise... trying to be everything for everyone and never giving yourself a break will drive you insane. If it's possible to take a step back from the people who are driving you nuts - do it! For your sanity and for their protection :P

Decisions, decisions

December 31, 2008... Jonathan and I are walking through Botanic Park, when he stops to 'tie his shoelaces'. I (correctly) surmise that this is a pretence to get on one knee and do the scariest thing he had done to date: ask me to marry him. The thought crosses my mind that I should keep walking and make him a) chase me, and/or b) find another opportunity where he may have to be more obvious about his intentions :P  Instead I sympathise with the guts it took to get this far in the first place and I stand... trying not to look to expectant and failing epically.


The rest is history as they say, but it led to an interesting conversation on the way to church today: how great is the impact of one decision on the experiences you will have for the rest of your life?


Lets say I had kept walking... Jonathan would have had to come up with a new scenario for proposing... he supposes that he might have waited until Valentines day one and a half months later (although if I know Jonathan he wouldn't have been able to wait that long). Nevertheless it certainly would have been later which would likely mean that our wedding date would have been later than May 16... if that was the case, we'd have missed the chance to apply to the first house we lived in and lived somewhere else. Our daughters would have arrived later (possibly Hayley wouldn't even be here yet!) and I would have been working longer at my last workplace. These are just a few of the examples of things that would have been different for us if I had made that seemingly simple decision. Boy am I glad I played fair that day!


I hope that the choices I make every day will be ones that bless those around me and lead me to greater happiness. I pray that I'll always have the courage to choose what is right, even when it's not easy.

What are some of the big impact decisions in your life?

Love Unconditionally

I have a phrase I like to say which is "live, laugh, love"... it's my motto if you will. To expand on that I would say, "live well, laugh often, love unconditionally."


I'm always thinking of what I need to do, what I need to be, and what I need to teach my children... and how this will enable me to be the kind of mother my children need... for that is the kind of mother I need to be: the mother my children need. Not the mother they think they want mind you... the mother about whom they can look back when they are grown and say, "Thank you mum for always being there for me. Thank you for not always giving me everything I want, but making sure I had what I really needed. Thank you for teaching me to make decisions and always loving me, even when I didn't make the decision that you liked."


The most important thing I want my children to know is that I love them and that my love is unconditional.

I love both my girls so much that I want to hold on to them forever... but I hope as time goes on that knowing they will be loved no matter what will give them confidence to make good decisions and be whomever they want to be... and that I will have the courage to let them do so.

Gratitude box

Toward the end of last year as part of our family home evening, Jonathan and I decorated a box. The purpose of it was that each day we would write on a small piece of paper someone, some thing or an event that we were grateful for that day. I thought I would share what we wrote. If they are repeated it means that both Jonathan and I wrote the same thing. They are in no particular order, just whichever one I grab I will list.


Neroli Sims; Sean and Davinia Speakman; the Gospel of Jesus Christ; Jonathan's support and enabling me to do things for me; Jonathan's support during my labor, after birth, and always; phone; furniture; Natalie loves her little sister; Relief Society; Karen McCann; forgiveness; Chalmers family; Hayley Grace Hutchings <3; 1st Presidency Christmas devotional; air conditioning; mission; time; home; Book of Mormon; Mum (Jeanette); the atonement; Comfort; Relief Society; Adam [Goodwin]; Jeanette; Humor; Nature; that Jonathan works so hard to serve our family, being especially thoughtful of how I'm feeling being pregnant; roads; food; love; Tracey; Chantelle; Natalie; software; dad (Russell); my wellbeing after birth; Benny Sorrell; the Wilson family; nerf; toys; dvds; memories; education; christmas hampers; mercy; a warm bed; promptings; home and its comforts; Kathryn; Hayley; magna; atonement; clocks; Russell; this pen [the one he was writing with]; computer; cameras; couches; help; Heavenly Father; Prospect ward; wedding ring; drinks;
blessings of tithing; Hayley; Holy Ghost; the Speakmans; tools; libraries; babysitters; cake and biscuit; direction; festiva; free seminar; Natalie; the Holy Ghost; The Plan of Salvation; Tracey's [relatively] 'easy' labor; midwives; Natalie's love; beds; Thomas; books; microwave; Julie Ogden; Sister Pressler; Ellalene; CDs; printer; time with family; wacom tablet; Natalie's laugh; talents; friends; fridge; post-its [Jonathan wrote his on post-its a lot]; testimony; fans; bishop; Hayley; Green Lantern; being able to do study next year; Rise of the Planet of the Apes; washing machines; christmas party; calling; mum (Madelene); Alina; Lisa Chalmers; music - the piano; stereo; hospital; photos; money; wood chisels; Kathryn and Alicia throwing me a baby shower; commandments; electricity; lights; TV; family; white goods; covenants; Living With Toddlers seminar; gas; the ability to love; I didn't have to be induced; Hayley's health; Jesus Christ; Jesus Christ; church; tool boxes


Whew, that took a while to get out. And of course it is by no means a comprehensive list of the events, people and things that we have to be grateful for... but these are the things that came up especially in the last part of 2011!

Juggling act

We all know the scenario: we look at someone we know and wonder how they do it... they're raising a family, their house is always immaculate, they do some work on the side and sometimes they take on other responsibilities too - with  confidence, ease and a smile on their face.


At least that's what we see when we look at them. And it leaves us feeling like we are somehow less than everyone else. Why does everyone else find it so easy when I'm barely managing?


But you know what. Chances are, they too feel like they're about to drop a ball or two sometimes. Likely they have done in the past. The trick is to be brave enough to pick them up again and keep going.


Besides that, you shouldn't be comparing yourself to them anyway. (Easier said than done?)




I like this image. We all have x number of things that we're trying to juggle each week. I know I do. I also know that I am often wondering how I can keep all the balls in the air. I am beginning to understand that if I do drop one it's not the end of the world. I can pick it back up and keep right on going. Sometimes, maybe I even need to let it stay there for a while. After all, it will still be there when I come back for it. The trick is to make sure that you focus on keeping the important ones up.


These are some things that I have done or found that help me to manage the times when I feel I have too much on my plate. (It's a good way to remind myself that I need to apply these things too!)


First - simply, prioritise. If it seems there is too much to do, I find that most often it's because I'm doing too much. When this happens I have to decide which things are important for me to do and which things are just 'nice'. This applies day to day as well as on a weekly basis. Just because I enjoy doing something, doesn't mean it is a priority and at times that means I have to decide that I'm going to cut it out of my schedule, even if it is something I enjoy. This doesn't have to be long-term though. Sometimes it may only be for one day or one week. When I find I have more time on my hands, then I can take it up again. Sometimes this means forgetting the dust bunnies under the bed and just enjoying time with my precious family. On the other hand, sometimes it means staying home and catching up on house work in stead of going out.


Next - if you're struggling to find time to do important things, schedule it. I find that by having a schedule for things I'm more likely to put other things aside and get it done. If you fail to plan you plan to fail, as my husband likes to remind me. Too often I'll get in to the mind set of 'when I get the chance'... which is never as productive for me. Of course being too regimented can do my head in as well, so it is a good idea to have some unscheduled time to do whatever takes your fancy.


For me the most important thing I can do is to not compare how I manage things with how others do. If you need to compare yourself to someone, compare with your past self. If I'm doing things better than I used to, that's good enough for me.


Now I really have to go, and take care of the things... or rather, people that matter most!

Take me with you

This blog is a tribute to some wonderful people. If I had the capacity right now I would fill pages with thanks to many people, but I'll make a start here and hope that those not here mentioned will know that they are no less valued. I also hope that the people who I do mention will recognise that I am talking about them!


D&C 84:106 - And if any man among you be strong in Spirit, let him take with him him that is weak, that he may be edified in all meekness, that he may  become strong also.


Today I have been inspired by this scripture. It gives me a vision for what I want to do for those around me, and I also remember in gratitude, wonderful people who have done this for me. I want to thank you.


I have a great friend who is one of the truest people I've ever met. She is someone who would always lend me a listening ear when I wanted to talk and always encouraged me to be my very best self. I learned so much from you as we grew up together and I am grateful that you became a part of my life at a time when I needed a friend just like that.


Not too much later, I met another friend and she became my rock in so many ways. You are still a treasured friend! Thank you for always encouraging me to be myself, and not change in order to fit in with anyone else. That fact has meant more to me than you will ever know. It still bolsters me up today knowing that I have people like you around me who accept me just the way I am.


There are several... but three particular women who I have come to know in the past 2 years that mean so much to me... I don't know whether you realise how much you've helped me in that time and the debt of gratitude I feel I owe to you, but thanks! Thanks for caring and helping and supporting and teaching me. Proud to call you 'friend'.


I have many wonderful extended family members and I love them all, but I want to especially mention one Aunt and Uncle. I will always be grateful to you both for your example, love, and support. It always meant a lot to me (and I'm sure my siblings too) to have you around. To have someone who would come and give me a blessing when I'm sick in the middle of the night or I've cracked my head and am in hospital... *words can't express* I'm so glad to have had my Aunty as a Young Women's leader too, and I loved learning from you in classes and as we associated as family. Thank you both for your example of love and joy in marriage, and helping me have the faith to know that it can happen for me too!



Siblings. Fate made us siblings, but we've chosen to be friends. I'd be lost without any of you. You really are the very best siblings I could have asked for. Thanks for loving me no matter what, making me laugh even when I wanted to cry, helping me solve problems, empathising with me when things suck, and celebrating everything that is amazing.

Thank you to a wonderful mother for being constant. Thank you for bringing us up in difficult circumstances. Thank you for giving me strength to know that I can get through hard things. Thanks for all the times that you wished you could save me the pain, but held my hand (literally and figuratively) through the toughest years and experiences of my life. Thank you for also giving me the courage to take on the biggest adventure of all time - marriage and family. I want to be a mum like you in so many ways!


I am so grateful for a husband who has taught me so much about love. Truly unconditional. No matter how irrational, emotional, or otherwise crazy I may be at times. I wish I were eloquent and could really, truly tell you what it is about you that I am so grateful for, but I'll have to leave that to our ability to understand each other without words.


Last, but certainly not least... thank you to my loving God. I know you sent all these people to me, precisely when I needed them. They have been your hands in my life.